Boba Fett
From Wooo!pedia
| ¡¡¡NERD-ALERT!!! This is so nerdy, it's like an issue of Nerdular Nerdance. So go ahead, read it, you nerd. |
Boba Fett is a serious badass and the Best Bounty Hunter in the Galaxy.
He wears really awesome armor and a helmet and all sorts of neat weapons. On his right shoulder there are Wookiee pelts. On his left shoulder is a tattered cape. On his back there is a jetpack. Does the rocket fire? Try it and see.
While Boba Fett may seem to have a somewhat arbitrary moral code, he is in reality on the side of whoever represents order and justice. Throughout much of his life, the Empire was that beacon of morality. Despite whatever propaganda the Rebellion may disseminate, at the end of the day the Empire makes the laws, and they are to be followed. This makes Boba Fett a stone cold pimp with a license to kill.
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The Life and Times of Boba Fett
Childhood
Apparently Boba Fett was a clone of Jango Fett, who was a Maori bounty hunter from New Zealand. He saw his dad get decapitated by Samuel L. Jackson, which probably messed him up a lot psychologically. This all happened in Attack of the Clones. Then, like all clones, he grew up.
Professional Career
Darth Vader hired him again in The Empire Strikes Back, when Han and Princess Leia were evading the forces of the Empire, who were being pretty inept at the time. Boba Fett totally hatched the plan that got the crew of the Millennium Falcon captured and for his trouble Darth Vader gave him a Han Solo Frozen Chocolate Bar, which he turned over to Jabba the Hutt. Jabba was happy, because Han owed him a lot of money. So Boba Fett hung around at Jabba’s place for a while, drinking cola and eating ice cream and watching Muppets and green chicks dance around because he totally knew that Han had friends and they’d try to rescue him.
Which they did. Han Solo got melted, and in a fit of sheer luck, he was able to blindly and accidentally hit Boba Fett in the rocketpack and send him careening into the gaping mouth (or beak) of the Sarlacc. Presumably, he was slowly digested for a thousand years.
Spoilers end here.
However
According to peripheral materials, Boba Fett was able to escape from the Pit of Carkoon and he lived on for many years. Being digested screwed him up a bit, though. He never did bring Han Solo to justice, mostly because they both outlived anyone who would have paid a bounty on the smuggler.
- Also, Boba Fett hunted down some poser bounty hunter that also had Mandalorian armor and he totally killed him and got some new armor.
The Expanded Universe Is Not All Peaches And Candy Corn
There’s a story about Boba Fett's daughter growing up to be a bounty hunter to get revenge on her father or some crap, but I didn’t even read it because it just seemed like a BAD IDEA. Sometimes your amoral supervillains don’t need romance. Or squishy-type feelings. Boba Fett can’t have a tender moment, he’s Boba friggin’ Fett. A lot of this Expanded Universe stuff is a bunch of garbage.
Expanded Universe Stuff Featuring Boba Fett That Is Not A Bunch Of Garbage
- Tales of Jabba’s Palace
- Tales of the Bounty Hunters (all the Tales books are really good, actually)
- The Han Solo Trilogy by A.C. Crispin
- The Bounty Hunter Wars books by K.W. Jeter
Boba Fett Appears In
- Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
- Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (Special Edition) (unnecessary cameo)
- The 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special
- Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
- Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
- "Fett's Vette" by mc chris
Toys
If you can find an old-school Rocket-Firing Boba Fett action figure, everyone will be your friend forever. IT IS THE KEY TO ETERNAL HAPPINESS AND WILL SOLVE ALL YOUR SOCIAL PROBLEMS.
